With loving partners, massage is the message.

When your partner tells you, “Not tonight, honey, I have a headache,” don’t get mad - ask them if they'd like a head or scalp massage. Remembering massage in any form doesn't have to be all about ending up in sex. The key feature is the sensual quality of your touch and the blending of your energies together. When your back aches so badly that sex really is the last thing on your mind, your partner can bring relief with massage oil and a long, tender massage – or I can if you're not that in to helping out your partner in times of need.

When you and/or your partner don’t have specific aches and pains that massage would relieve, a sensuous massage brings benefits of greater intimacy, the expressions of caring and enhanced sexual enjoyment and strengthens your relationship to each other.

You have to set the mood for the whole experience and guys, this is where your thoughtful and creativity can shine through to impress .... this is NOT the time for thinking like a bull at a red flag ! An open fire, candles, music, cushions these are all time honoured favourites, if you don't have an open fire turn up the heating and put one of those flickering fire DVD's on the giant plasma. Flowers, fabrics and incense or burning oil can all help to beautify your surroundings and help create the right atmosphere. (Sandalwood, jasmine, ylang ylang, rose and patchouli are some of the most popular essential oils to burn)

A good massage oil or lotion makes the massage motions far more pleasurable. Choose one with a pleasant scent, perhaps one with romantic overtones. Don’t use strong muscle rubs; they can be counterproductive to post-massage activity.

• The setting is also critical: Subdued lighting and relaxing music help set the mood. Privacy is essential.
• Time is a key factor. A quickie sensuous massage feels good, but for the full erotic effect, a couple can’t be rushed.
• Using oils in a massage slows you down and if done regularly can be part of quality time with your partner as you connect on other levels. Everyone seems to be so busy these days and often such times spent with your partner can only help to strengthen your relationship.

Now, if you're tense it's going to be difficult for your partner to relax and you HAVE to get over the whole giggling little school kids moment. Make sure you keep your jaw and shoulders soft and breather from your belly. Focus on giving pleasure to your partner by tuning into their breathing, I do a lot of my massaging with my eyes closed and let my fingers be my 'eyes', and by tuning into their breathing you are more sensitive to their changing responses. Your strokes, massage strokes that is, should be long and lingering or firmer and more stimulating using your judgment and intuition to help guide you. Try using a feather or your own hair if it is long enough or maybe try a piece of satin .... anything that you thing could be sensual to the touch.

Take your time and don't worry too much about having to take turns, it can be your turn next time and if you set aside a time you will have all that time to think about your setting, the atmosphere and mood you want to create and something to be excited about and look forward to. Explore all the body parts - ears, feet, legs, scalp, neck, back, glutes (bum .... I'm trying to be polite here ok), and so on. Communicate about what feels good - and what feels REALLY good. Fully enjoy giving and getting the massage. Think of it as a pleasurable, beneficial end in itself, and guys, massage does NOT just have to be the preliminaries to sex ok.

Ever thought about someone showing you and your partner the massage techniques or someone to guide you through them, then I am also available to come over and lend a helping hand or see the couple massage section.

Essential oil blends

Here are a few useful combinations that are good to use for a few different situations and conditions.

• Use 2 drops of essential oil for every 10ml or 2 tsp of carrier oil. Sweet almond oil is one of the best multipurpose oils, remember the bitter one is toxic .... unless you're going through a rough patch like a divorce?

• General aches and pains
  • Lavender and rosemary
• Stress
  • Sandalwood, lavender and geranium
• Mild depression
  • Geranium, mixed with coconut base oil because of its softening qualities
• Spiritual transformation
  • Include frankincense as this helps to break links with the past and facilitates moving forwards