Continuing with some distracting humour ......

This latest horoscope for 2010 has been prepared by a great Astrologist and is offered below ....

Aquarius: Jan 20 – Feb 18

• You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
• You lie a great deal
• On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
• Everyone thinks you are stupid

Pisces: Feb 19 – Mar 20

• You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA and FBI.
• You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for flaunting your power.
• You lack confidence and are generally a coward.
• Pisces people screw small animals

Aries: Mar 20 – Apr 19

• You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.
• You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.
• You are a prick.

Taurus: Apr 20 – May 20

• You are practical and persistent.
• You have a dogged determination and work like hell.
• Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed.
• You are nothing but a goddam communist.

Gemini: May 21 – Jun 20

• You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
• People like you because you are bi-sexual.
• However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little.
• This means you are cheap.
• Gemini people are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer: Jun 21 – Jul 22

• You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems.
• They think you are a sucker.
• You are always putting things off, and that is why you’ll always be up on welfare and never worth a shit.

Leo: Jul 23 – Aug 22

• You consider yourself a born leader, while others think you are pushy.
• Most Leo’s are bullies.
• You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism.
• Your arrogance is disgusting.
• Leo people are always thieving bastards.

Virgo: Aug  23 – Sep 22

• You are the logical type and hate disorder.
• This nit-picking is sickening to your friends.
• You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making love.
• Virgo’s make excellent bus drivers and pimps.

Libra: Sep 23 – Oct 22

• You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality.
• If you are a man, you are more than likely gay.
• Change of employment and monetary gains are excellent.
• Most Libra women are excellent whores.
• All Librans die of venereal disease.

Scorpio: Oct 23 – Nov 21

• You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.
• You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.
• You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch.
• Most Scorpio’s are murdered.

Sagittarius: Nov 22 – Dec 21

• You are optimistic and enthusiastic.
• You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent.
• The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and dope fiends.
• People laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting screwed.

Capricorn: Dec 22 – Jan 19

• You are conservative and afraid of taking chances.
• You don’t do much or anything and are lazy.
• There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.
• Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods of time as they tend to attract pigeons.

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